“Acknowledging the complexity of life may be an especially fruitful path to psychological well-being,” says psychologist Jonathan M. Adler of the Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering. He continues: “Remember, one of the primary reasons we have emotions in the first place is to help us evaluate our experiences.”
Anger and upset are natural reactions to daily life, and although we feel the utopian solution is to be upbeat no matter what, it’s just not so. It’s healthy to feel negative emotions and often it’s necessary as well, since it takes the downs to recognize our ups. Our sense of contentment runs the risk of being cheapened if we feel we must always push the anger away! In addition, some are socialized to believe that certain negative emotions are okay to express (depression, anxiety, or sadness), but not anger.
Really, though, the key to feeling fulfilled is to acknowledge issues, and face problems head-on. In addition, recent scientific studies point to the fact that suppressing thoughts can be very harmful. People who suppress in the face of stressful situations are likely to feel more stressed than those who admit their emotions to themselves, and then react to these emotions’ existence.
Anger is defined as “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger studies. Like any other emotion, anger is more than just a feeling – it’s coupled with biological and physiological shifts. When you experience anger your blood pressure and heart rate escalate, and your levels of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and energy hormones go up.
Naturally, angry feelings can be caused by internal or external events, and sometimes they’re recurring when the individual is in similarly stressful situations often. For example, running a little late and having to deal with traffic or lousy drivers, or perhaps asking someone to do something and seeing evidence of it not being done for a few days in a row. They can also be triggered by memory fragments of deeply moving or traumatic experiences. And, it’s important to note that the existence of some anger is necessary to survival since in order to respond to threats we need a powerful adrenaline-causing emotion that drives us to fend off danger.
The most essential element, of course, is how life’s angering situations are dealt with. There are three main ways of approaching them: expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing must be in a non-aggressive but assertive way, in order to be the least harmful and humiliating to those around. This means maintaining respect for others, while still communicating clearly about what you need. Anger left unchecked turns irrational very fast, so extreme logic is helpful in keeping it humane while quantifying the best turn of events going forward.
Suppressing can only be helpful if done correctly, since the aim is to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, and transform the angry feelings into constructive ones. However, the problem arises when the feelings are bottled up for the moment and everything seems hunky-dory on the surface, while the negativity continues to pile up inside. The two worst case scenarios become anger turned inward at oneself, or lashing out at others in payback mode, without any real reason but in a passive-aggressive and hostile manner.
Now we’re left with the best approach — calming.
So here’s the how to getting over anger in a snap!
Some tips:
++ Deep breathing from your diaphragm, and counting slowly to yourself while allowing your emotions to ease before reacting.
++ Concentrating on a word (such as “calmly”) or phrase (such as “relaxing more and more”), or one of your own construct. Belaboring and repeating the word(s) to yourself as you momentarily exit the situation and allow the hotheadedness to ease.
++ Closing your eyes and taking yourself to a calm place from your memory or one you make up, such as floating in the clouds or lounging beach-side. Imagining all of the sounds (and sensations) that would be there (the whoosh of air currents, and complete silence of floating high above the ground; or the to-and-fro of ocean waves lapping against the shore at your feet). Become surrounded by this place and allow yourself to feel peace.
++ Restructuring the situation with humor. There are a few ways to do this, depending on how much it has escalated.
The first way: if you’ve already called someone or a situation a name, then imagine (or physically draw out) how this would actually look. For example, a dumbbell or single celled amoeba or silly-face sitting at the drivers’ wheel, or perhaps at one of the desks at work.
+ The second way: if you’re feeling very irrationally upset when things aren’t going your way sometimes you might imagine yourself as the emperor/empress or supreme ruler that’s striding through the day (your surroundings) demanding others do your bidding. Extreme imaginings are often helpful in infusing humor which helps to alleviate extreme feelings.
+ The final way you can use humor is by saying something completely ridiculous. Even if it doesn’t make others laugh, you’ve separated yourself from the anger and allowed your mind to overcome by being amused. Smiling and laughing will send endorphins to your brain and allow you to be more rational with your reactions.
Any of the above tips can be accomplished in the time it takes to snap your fingers. Try them sometime. Getting out of the habit of reacting angrily is in itself the formation of a new habit. The only way you’ll see lasting results is by not suppressing, by being upbeat, and by calming yourself before reacting. Your world will surely thank you.
Reverend Michelle is a Wellness Scientist and healer with over 15 years’ experience. Her unique healing solutions blend proven techniques with a strong scientific influence.
This is cutting edge, because for over 6 years Rev. Michelle has literally been fusing science with metaphysics!
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Yours in Calmness,
Rev. Michelle
