Often it’s difficult to figure out what the people around you are saying, what they mean, and why they even brought something up at that particular time. How do you overcome differences and achieve more cohesive balance and communication?

Women and men communicate differently, and often they go about trying to accomplish things differently too. When men and women are trying to approach a situation where it’s potentially volatile subject-matter and they could possibly get in an argument, there are many ways to recognize when these differences come into play, and diffuse a potential MIScommunication.

Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen was one of the first to reveal social communication differences in various settings. One of her quotes is: “Men grow up in a world in which a conversation is often a contest, either to achieve the upper hand or to prevent other people from pushing them around. For women, however, talking is often a way to exchange confirmation and support.”

The genders also have different ways of viewing project completion. Women have a tendency to ask more questions before working on something, to clarify how to accomplish the task. Men, on the other hand, have more of a tendency to just dive right in without asking any questions. Plus, men generally think that when a woman asks questions she doesn’t know how to do something, when it’s really a matter of improving performance as much as possible. Not only that, when men don’t ask questions before starting a project, women take it as the fact that they must know enough to complete the task – and sometimes that’s not the case at all. So… there are all kinds of ways that differences in perception affect and effect interactions between the genders.

Another one of Deborah Tannen’s quotes is as follows: “We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has… Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the others’.” When we approach different conversations, we tend to already have a preconceived notion as to what things they might say, and what that will imply. Unfortunately, communication is not always meant for people to read between the lines… I find that often communication is actually said exactly how it’s meant and when the listener tries to read between the lines, it can become overly complicated and argumentative.

Tannen also states that “the biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation – or a relationship.” People view every interaction through their self-made perceptions of what a conversation is, and what would make it successful or futile. This is problematic, because it builds in trouble and can cause rampant miscommunication.

Since each person’s life is a series of conversations, it’s kind of important to work on some of these (otherwise inherent) issues. I’ve noticed in my own life that when I make an effort to bridge the gaps in communication between myself and another woman, or myself and a male that everything goes much more smoothly. It’s actually possible to make the most of the differences, and create better solutions to problems when you put multiple heads together. Not only that, most people are great at manifesting things, and when they work cohesively with others around them to narrow down exactly what they want, things seem to more perfectly fall into place.

So what are a few ways you could start bridging these gaps in your life?

1) Better clarify that you understand a topic, even when you have questions about how best to go about it. Sometimes, maybe just dive in and only ask questions if it’s truly necessary (or do the research yourself). Often, all it takes is an extra statement summarizing the gamut of parts that you DO understand and how most efficiently you CAN do something, in order to garner you the respect you deserve for your problem-solving skills.

2) Be more patient when working through these issues, because generally you have to interact with the same circle of people for extended periods of time. After you break through barriers with certain individuals, you will find it’s much easier to talk to them later and work out future disagreements.

3) When making a presentation in front of a mixed group, recognize that different genders use different types of examples and change your strategy accordingly. Instead of jokes or analogies that would apply to one gender or the other, use gender-neutral analogies. Instead of home-life stories, or comparisons to sports etc, use analogies that involve movies, or nature, or the like. If you do find yourself using a gender-specific analogy, always add a few extra sentences to explain what you mean.

4) Just as you already understand not to put words in someone’s mouth, it’s important to not assume they are on the same page (when they haven’t responded or acknowledged said page), OR think that they surely know what you’re talking about just because they haven’t said otherwise. And sometimes the best idea when you notice a very dumb disagreement is about to get out of hand, is to politely suggest the whole conversation be ended or dropped right then at that moment (without anyone accepting or denying fault).

5) The basic secret medley strategy to communicating effectively with anyone (anywhere) is listening (actually listening – not just waiting to speak) and making an effort to understand their position, as well as articulating what you’re trying to say in the plainest most straight-forward ways possible. And the final piece of this medley strategy is staying calm and composed the whole time. Whenever one person enters a conversation with animosity it’s easy for the other person to pick up on it, so do your best to not be the one that introduces it to the interaction.

Breaking down gender barriers can start NOW, with your efforts in every communication – in your own day-to-day life! I guarantee you’ll notice less fighting and more collaborating.

Yours in Calmness,
Reverend Michelle
revmichelle.com

I’m sure you have found that there are many negative influences in life that try to get you down. And surely you’ve considered the great benefits of not letting them get to you…. But how??? How do you say “no” and only let positivity into your sphere?

Here are a few ways you can accomplish that and stay stress-free:

1) If you happen to know that you are going to come across negativity in your day ahead of time, the easiest thing is to create a shield. The way to do that is to close your eyes and imagine a wave of positive energy flow through you. Then, imagine that another wave is washing over you, but this time envision that it is in the shape of a shield. It washes over you and leaves the positive energy perfectly around you to where it will stay surrounding you no matter where you go. After that, envision that whenever negative energy or remarks come across your shield, they just slide off leaving you free of their weight.

2) If you don’t have a positive energy shield and find yourself in a situation where you need to stay positive, it helps to get in certain habits. Instead of letting whatever someone says or does get to you, take a deep breath and imagine a wave of positivity washing over you and filling you up completely. Sometimes it might be difficult but by taking a moment to relax instead of engaging the situation, you minimize the negativity you allow in.

3) Something you can do in the meantime, whenever you have a few moments, is work on yourself. Often we collect negative energy without realizing it and it determines how we react to situations. Spend some time relaxing yourself and releasing old junk that doesn’t serve you anymore. I’ve found that often negative energy collects in different body parts and it helps to imagine that parts of your body are imbued in positivity and allow all of the grey energy out. After that, imagine that body part is encased in beautiful quartz that is constantly clearing the energy around it, leaving it pristine in its positivity.

Remember to give yourself the respect that you deserve in every situation. Don’t allow someone else’s careless words to cause you to question your abilities, because they might not even mean to be as mean as they are. It helps to communicate with those around you and stop hurtful behavior that doesn’t serve a purpose. Remember also that if people have been hurt in the past, sometimes their defense mechanism is being mean to others so that they feel protected from similar hurt.

Life can be chaotic and unpredictable, but your positivity can be a constant. Strive to live your life with positivity surrounding you and everything you come in contact with. It’s worth it in more ways than you can imagine, because by staying positive you draw more wonderful things to your sphere.

I’m a healer with over 15 years’ experience. Over the last 6 years I’ve pioneered various techniques that are more efficient than ever, and were born from a space where science and metaphysics collide!
Follow me on Facebook at Facebook.com/coastallilacs.

Yours in Calmness,
Reverend Michelle
Revmichelle.com

It’s truly incredible what one full day of unplugging can do for you. I recently went on a camping trip just on the edge of service-range, and it was only for two nights and 1.5 days. I turned my phone off, only looked at the time once or twice, and enjoyed my surroundings more than ever! Of course, longer would have been ideal but the most important aspect is squeezing this unplugging into your schedule without much shuffling around. I’m sure it happens once in a while naturally, that you have a day or two available in a row with not many responsibilities to attend to. Instead of just vegging out and doing the same past-times you’re used to, plan ahead just a few days and throw together an unplug session. It doesn’t even have to be out of service-range, and honestly it doesn’t have to be far away from home. The elements that matter are unplugging from all your electronics, distancing yourself from them, and enjoying even the slightest change in scenery (outside).

Nature is beautiful and the world is our oyster. Why not relax somewhere else — somewhere entertaining in its simplicity?

The benefits of a regular unplug are truly amazing. The day you return to your daily routine will be like seeing it with new eyes, and your life will be put into an even lovelier perspective. The hours of work you must complete will seem a lot shorter, and your interactions with others will be much smoother. You will find that you can better pick up on the small nuances in your surroundings and that you sort out difficulties with ease.

Do yourself a favor and plan an unplug right now! Start brainstorming where you could go, and how you can take care of looming deadlines in such a way that you can forget about them altogether for a day or two! Remember to abandon all electronics! That is truly the most important aspect, because unplugging means literally only being available face-to-face and in-person. So, only take people that you can relax with that will allow (and help) you to forget about the daily routines!!!
Ideally, you’d take enough food, water (and other necessities) to last you so that you are truly responsibility-free and chore-free!

Hopefully you’ll discover (as I do, every time I escape for even just a day) increased life-enjoyment with every day that passes, and more life-fulfillment with every moment you have available! Plus, sometimes all you really need to get a good solution for something is a tad of quiet time so maybe you’ll even solve a few big life riddles!

Thanks for reading.

For updates, discounts & deals, and occasional inspirational positivity, like my page facebook.com/coastallilacs.

I’m a Wellness Scientist and healer with over 15 years’ experience.
For 6+ years I’ve been experimenting and healing in a zone where science and metaphysics collide! The unique (and cutting-edge) healing solutions I’ve developed blend wellness science and proven methods, and are backed by alternative therapy and meticulous & ongoing research.

Yours in Calmness,
Reverend Michelle
revmichelle.com